they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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