i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize