the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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