you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I need to calm my uterus...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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