Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
