I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize