Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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