"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize