im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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