you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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