I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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