Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize