Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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