I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
