im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
