i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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