1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize