yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize