U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
