does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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