My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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