I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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