Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
