Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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