Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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