Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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