Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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