Please, let me fuck your mom
Someone shit on the floor
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize