He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It all started with a game of naked twister.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
