what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize