I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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