I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
