My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
