So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't deserve a penis
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
