the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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