dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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