Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
