no, he came in my armpit
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
