theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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