You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
