I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
