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I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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