just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
