i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
