i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
