no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
