you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
