I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
