FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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