He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
