That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
