so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
