Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
