Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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