I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
