Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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