I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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