how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
