so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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