Cold hands, warm shart.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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