Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
