you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize