Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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