someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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