Say something about gay babies.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my being single is dangerous.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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