Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
