Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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