After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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