Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
